Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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