If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
