This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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