On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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