when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
