i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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