so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
