Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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