Do vagina's smell?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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