We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
