If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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