I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
