I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
