why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
