I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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