Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
