Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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