My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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