His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
