I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
