I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
