god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
3pm strippers are depressing
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
