VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
