Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
