I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
