ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I could make wine with my vomit
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
