im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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