i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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