It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
