North Korea, Best Korea!
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
