I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
