a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
