Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
