the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
