omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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