he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
