I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm passing your future prison.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
