So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
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