Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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