July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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