remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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