batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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