i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
