is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
