CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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