The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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