omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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