Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
