I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
