he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Randomize
