I wanna bring you to show and tell
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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