the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
