Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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