woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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