those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
it's great music for shaving your balls
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
